Put up a fence to hide the boat from view, Macklemore dropped a song like this before you, dropping Toronto real estate value, what do we have to do, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

May 3

🚨Breaking: NYPD finds bike locks AND history books at a university. https://t.co/nl9Ke5RnpB
— Assal Rad (@AssalRad) May 4, 2024

look how they massacred my boy https://t.co/RuTt4Gn8kI
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) May 3, 2024

Real tragic arc to J.J. Abrams's career. He made a Star Trek movie that made you think "this man should really be making a Star Wars movie." Then he made a Star Wars movie that made you think "this man should really be in prison"
— Peter Raleigh (@PetreRaleigh) May 4, 2024

"she won't be able to do that stuff in the wnba" lol pic.twitter.com/U0uRYOhjPs
— Tommy Beer (@TommyBeer) May 4, 2024

https://t.co/br8iIFv3CO pic.twitter.com/eL7AC7i9f4
— Sakamoto-kun (@stretchfchw) May 4, 2024

Cole didn't want Kendrick rapping about his basketball career in Rwanda…i get it
— El Pasito (@8EightPillars) May 4, 2024

The only winner in all of this is New Ho King
— Southpaw Swade (@SouthpawSwade) May 4, 2024

I think I would rather piss off Boeing than Kendrick at this point oh my god
— Brett Kollmann (@BrettKollmann) May 4, 2024

we gotta protect zack fox like the boeing whistleblowers https://t.co/eZnut0Mm2c
— chrome (real) (@chromeohnine) May 4, 2024

this battle has gone Dark Narduwar
— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) May 4, 2024

May 4

diss | noun | an insulting expression of disrespect or criticism
— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) May 5, 2024

Wow that's a big antisemitic, pro-terror protest in *checks notes* Tel Aviv. https://t.co/gznqXpfsxW
— Ceasefire Now. (@bri_guy_ny) May 5, 2024

I can't stop watching it pic.twitter.com/OOnG0B3Oqh
— Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) May 4, 2024

No that's not what's happening in this scene they are doing Heroin https://t.co/Rg0Sddaxcd
— this is from mathilda 💣 (@gore_b4by) May 4, 2024

i feel bad for drake bc sometimes im three emails behind in responding and then i feel overwhelmed
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) May 5, 2024

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. got some sick rhymes about debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 5, 2024

*Dennis Miller voice* https://t.co/Fx5iAuFiOJ
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) May 5, 2024

i like watching meet the grahams reactions on youtube because for most disses it's like people going ooh that's good ooh that's a hard diss etc etc but with this it's just watching people in complete and utter horror for six minutes pic.twitter.com/5VRbzL7Vyl
— coffee (@eventualforever) May 4, 2024

Rappers across America waking up to the reality that parental negligence can be used against them in a rap battle pic.twitter.com/mOdtbew9V4
— Hi I'm Solomon (@solomonmissouri) May 4, 2024

💀💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/bphhytWfJU
— Kristy Tillman (@KristyT) May 5, 2024

Say what you will about Toronto. Their hockey team stinks, their most famous rapper just got absolutely bodied - but at least average rent is $10000
— biracial waluigi (@korea_suicide) May 5, 2024

rooting for Kendrick. I think he can humiliate Drake to the point where Toronto real estate has a massive drop off in property value and rent stabilizes
— Haus of Decline (@hausofdecline) May 4, 2024

I got Kendrick notifications on like he's Woj
— Moh (@LessIsMoh) May 5, 2024

Over a decade of the purest, most refined hatred, fermenting in the cool darkness like an aged wine. Preserved for the day of reckoning. Now we taste. https://t.co/EpgI6hFJtV
— Loni™ (@AmazonLoni) May 5, 2024

I appreciate Kendrick Lamar for showing us that sometimes being a hater ain't jealousy, it's just a very strong disdain for lame ass shit especially when it's been pedestaled over authenticity.
— huey freeman (@joromiahh) May 4, 2024

Meet the grahams https://t.co/pXEFUAveiW
— DaVinci's son (@exaaauuce__) May 5, 2024

Kendrick need to get all Drake haters in the booth for one track like We Are The World
— Panic! At The TL (@Puff_Iya) May 5, 2024

Nah Kendrick diss really does go with everything 😭pic.twitter.com/fEEk0LFNkw
— Jono Barnes (@JonoBarnes) May 5, 2024

Drake fans put Drake in deeper water by complaining that Kendrick's first three songs didn't have any replay value. Now they have to listen to their favorite rapper get slandered in the club all summer long.
— Joy De'Angela (@joydeangela) May 5, 2024

"Always rappin' like you 'bout to get the slaves freed."
— Drake yesterday

"Once upon a time, all of us was in chains/ Homie still doubled down, calling us some slaves."
— Kendrick Lamar today
— Andrés Tardio (@AndresWrites) May 5, 2024

"you're trying to strike a chord and it's probably a minor" is easily one of the funniest fucking lines I have ever heard in a diss track in my entire goddamn life https://t.co/YYfSY0YIfl
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) May 5, 2024

Mostly jealous of how well Kendrick can write on a deadline
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) May 5, 2024

I don't think there's a more perfect marriage of a media clip and the contents of this rap beef than this. https://t.co/nKQVRUeko3
— Travon (@Travon) May 5, 2024

this bar might be even better it just forced drake to delete an ig post 💀 https://t.co/VD1ZNsVG7k pic.twitter.com/VGqZ18S3Dz
— isaiah✰ (@tlop444) May 5, 2024

Bruh! I'm done!!!! 🤯🤯 pic.twitter.com/r0CTBk8LiI
— D'mile (@DMile85) May 5, 2024

Kendrick went from To Pimp a Butterfly to To Catch a Predator

😂😂😂😂
— Isaiah Jackson (@bitcoinzay) May 5, 2024

May 5

One of the earliest diss track's was by the guy in 101 Dalmatians who didn't like his wife's friend so much that when she came to visit he went into the attic and wrote a song about what a piece of shit she is
— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) May 5, 2024

A literary feud involving two men named Kendrick Lamar Duckworth and Aubrey Drake Graham is giving 19th century.
— Andrew Marzoni (@andrewmarzoni) May 5, 2024

Alanis sold 33 million records writing a diss track about the "Cut it out" guy from Full House https://t.co/Y2LvJrGUPX pic.twitter.com/54kgjDrpVy
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) May 5, 2024

So many Fleetwood Mac songs are just Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham fighting one another https://t.co/AeEMgWa1tj
— Mr. Chau (@Srirachachau) May 5, 2024

Ambient artists beef by dropping increasingly hostile soundscapes
— matt (@mattybtweets69) May 5, 2024

With the sudden defeat of Drake I think we can finally confirm that after 8 long years, the year 2016 has finally come to an end
— Neil Bahadur (@NeilBahadur) May 5, 2024

and ppl not even on they phone this shit got mfs dancing again like 2010 . its over https://t.co/PJz8SNB3Pi
— mr.versace (@JAYVERSACE) May 5, 2024

kendrick made b nasty turn the hose off, this shit is different https://t.co/qH8Ijlr3hO
— lil h (@bigsnugga) May 5, 2024

If at any point in your life you have to say "I expected you to compare me to Jeffrey Epstein," then you should immediately reflect on the choices you made to get to that juncture.
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) May 6, 2024

An all time "This Tweet Has Been Deleted" situation pic.twitter.com/pbQX5VDtyJ
— 'Whack' with a silent H (@WhackNicholson) May 6, 2024

"I AM white! I AM a fuckin clown! I DID have a questionable relationship with Millie Bobbie Brown!" pic.twitter.com/NBOFKi3Yut
— Horrace P. Mctitties 🤡 (@littlenutsac) May 5, 2024

Drake's response:
1. I'm not a pedo
2. Kendrick is a liar
3. We fed Kdot's camp bad info
4. I'm not a pedo or else I'd be arrested by now
5. Dave fucked your wife
6. I'm not a pedo you liar
7. Your tracks were not factual
8. Deadass, I'm not a pedo
9. Stop saying I'm a pedo
— kev on the bus (@GeneralWarPHare) May 6, 2024

allegations fake or real, getting drake to say any of this is so fucking funny man pic.twitter.com/9gI2gorE9b
— addams family stan account (librarian) (@NorthernIion_LP) May 6, 2024

"i never looked twice at no teenager"

ok drake pic.twitter.com/BCaHhLnqfD
— Retrora (@Retrora) May 6, 2024

No, I'm talking about Aubrey Graham, the Canadian child actor. pic.twitter.com/JtQagtHhmZ
— greg (vm) (@variousmales) May 5, 2024

drake said pic.twitter.com/Tca2mp2RIr
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) May 6, 2024

Drake said you better b sharp... b sharp is literally just C ... and what is the relative minor key for C major?

A MINOOOORRRRRRRRR
— Oddwin (@oddwin) May 6, 2024

Kendrick Lamar named honorary Boston Bruin for ability to destroy Torontonians #NewsInPhoto pic.twitter.com/kkIJgAz8li
— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) May 6, 2024

Drake making a song about Kendrick needing to do more fact checking and then talking about a song where Kendrick says he was assaulted and he uh didn't actually say he was assaulted in the song is just too incredible.
— David Dennis Jr. (@DavidDTSS) May 6, 2024

I feel like people who aren't on twitter are missing just how much Drake's tracks have just been him repeating Twitter talking points from his fans that have already been debunked on the timeline. That's adding to why nothing he says about Kendrick seems even a little true
— Olayemi Olurin (@msolurin) May 6, 2024

That man really gave away a beat and created an entire army of haters 😂😂 https://t.co/5snVvJ35zb pic.twitter.com/JUMZfgQ3vS
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) May 5, 2024

Drake and Kendrick engineers ain't seen they family in weeks
— GENIUS 🍾 (@CHEDtheTRUTH) May 6, 2024

every Cybertruck owner talks like they're in an abusive relationship with their car https://t.co/Sy9aNMXT1x
— Feminist Proper Gander (@dappergander) May 6, 2024

https://t.co/AIrS0f3Kbg pic.twitter.com/bcyawRKNam
— Cody Johnston (@drmistercody) May 6, 2024

Yes Apple, I know my screen time is up 11% this week. Read the room!!
— Cool Breeze 🖤🥑 (@Maine_Char) May 5, 2024

Incredible historical document here: Blinken says Israel's PR is failing because social media allows people a direct look at what's happening, shorn of the ability to mediate it, and it lands with emotional resonance. Romney then says yes, that's why we moved to ban TikTok https://t.co/NeykVeZVRd
— Ryan Grim (@ryangrim) May 5, 2024

spent like 3 years calling them deep state fascist pedophiles lmao https://t.co/Pc2lVGS5A5
— IrishMann Carl 🇵🇸 🇮🇪 (@bornposting) May 5, 2024

😂😂😂😂😭😭 tf lol pic.twitter.com/x0lhDXv6XA
— Q.R.i.T. (@WiTNEE_) May 5, 2024

May 6

The left is once again trying to spin my book, "Dogs I've Murdered and Other Dogs I Plan To Murder" into something negative. https://t.co/ySMnWrKWK1
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 6, 2024

This video is definitive proof that "dudes rock" is a gender neutral phrase. https://t.co/doDp4MDk9r
— Erik (@SikkCaden) May 7, 2024

older, I think, than anyone on this planet https://t.co/u3ZDErIXxH
— sophia of hangover (@aethelfleds) May 6, 2024

pls take care of y'all selves bc we got a whole bunch of dumb btches going into nursing
— NEYAH (@iimabeautty) May 6, 2024

They ain't even email us. This is my notification. https://t.co/8Jn298KTpc
— orithyia blue. (@javeauriel) May 6, 2024

The song is getting way more hate than it deserves, but I still think the Call Me Maybe version of the video is the best thing that came out of that year https://t.co/m754bG9NOu pic.twitter.com/u9iLTpS3gL
— Meesh Hell (@waziot) May 6, 2024

Y'all let Macklemore drop a song like this before you.
— emotionally intelligent papi 🇯🇲🌹🇦🇮 (@julianakilrose) May 7, 2024

Brown people abandoning Drake is how you know it's real. Sadly one of his biggest and most vocal constituencies. https://t.co/DoGgMvC0VG
— Sturgeon's Law (@Sturgeons_Law) May 7, 2024

TNT plays 'Not Like Us' by Kendrick Lamar pic.twitter.com/uZMyBkfyr4
— NBACentral (@TheDunkCentral) May 7, 2024

Nah okes, Drake is getting cooked 😭

The beef has crossed genres 😭😭😭what is this even called, a distrumental solo 😭???

BBL Drizzy is uniting the world😭 pic.twitter.com/HHKiVPfYxN
— Gustavo. (@LordVizo__) May 6, 2024

Y'all ain't ready for my blistering diss track about beloved writer and historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.
— Brian Stack (@BrianStack153) May 6, 2024

Drake Reveals That He Was Only Being Creepy To Girls For 15 Years To Bait Kendrick Into Talking About It https://t.co/4AY2oJnvOJ
— The Hard Times (@REALpunknews) May 6, 2024

Drake asked Kendrick for proof & now content creators are submitting them. This looks baaaaad! pic.twitter.com/mPjRAjy0x2
— Good-Vibes-Arsenal (@ArsenalSensible) May 6, 2024

Drake got called white, a pedophile, and then Elon Musk followed him. I'm just naming the order of events. https://t.co/c752jh0R9q
— Charles Preston (@_CharlesPreston) May 6, 2024

How you fuck up misunderstanding the message of a song so much that everyone goes back and re-listens to it😭 https://t.co/TpI4xmua0e
— MastaMunsta (@MunstaMasta) May 7, 2024

Mother I Sober was about generational black trauma. Kendrick talks about victims of sexual abuse like his mother.

Drake: HAH, YOU GOT MOLESTED.
HAH, YOU ARE TRYING TO FREE THE SLAVES pic.twitter.com/ai89LM5uYl
— No Diddy (@MMATeaTalk) May 6, 2024

alright yall it was fun while it lasted pic.twitter.com/A7MXpRBLXt
— kate bush's husband (@airbagged) May 6, 2024

"Ben Simmons is playing no games" is top-tier copy https://t.co/enVHD3c715
— Graham Foley (@graham_foley3) May 6, 2024

May 7

Still one of the best tweets ever. https://t.co/xnpkSCWZdU
— Brian Stack (@BrianStack153) May 7, 2024

Nah something is telling me this mf needs an inspection and not fully up to code. https://t.co/GHAc0MqBHk
— ✨Kei$ha✨ (@GlamazonJay) May 7, 2024

Transport oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body https://t.co/Fzf8xTo7gb
— bria celest (@55mmbae) May 7, 2024

Drake mentioned Kendrick wife and then Dot said "hey we don't have to get personal" and then drake doubled down .. why is Kendrick being painted as the bad guy?
— Zeeti (@DJZeeti) May 7, 2024

Push Ups: Mentions kendrick wife name

euphoria: you sure you wanna do this bro?

6:16: you sureeeeeeeee you wanna do this fam?

Family Matters: ya manager dave free fucked ya wife raw and the child not yours

And wonder why Kendrick took it to the earths core https://t.co/w5Hya0zSkm
— Red Bull Racing F1 Fan Account (@FlyoutChase) May 7, 2024

Can we bring it back to 2018 when Drake congratulated Kendrick for outselling him and Kendrick replied with a verse on the Black Panther album that said "Don't Congratulate Me - I Don't Like You" 😭 pic.twitter.com/98cK0V4k4J
— Del Walker 🇵🇸 (@TheCartelDel) May 8, 2024

"Story Of Adidon" by Pusha T on the "Meet The Grahams" beat 😱 pic.twitter.com/MxvjveC5s0
— Cawb (@CAWBBBB) May 7, 2024

"freaky ass nigga"
"69 Gawd"
"what is it the braids!?"
"A Minoooooor"
"WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP"
"Croadie"
"if not im YNW Melly"
"Don't tell no lies bout me, and I won't tell truths bout you"

the caption material alone will go down in history
— emoni (@emoniFela) May 7, 2024

Lmaooo ain't no way bro, he called Drake a what?! 🤣 pic.twitter.com/s58dNJ1xVn
— ROD 🌌 (@Jayintee_) May 8, 2024

The change up was legendary 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Ldjo74RD1y
— IAGI Ringless Bandits 🐅 (@JCNL3) May 7, 2024

this line aged like milk https://t.co/ISn04fCOFn pic.twitter.com/5jgIygSktu
— ꜰʟᴀᴍᴇ (@LAxFLAME) May 7, 2024

We ain't see tweets like this for a week. Please Kendrick respond https://t.co/Qt1PWdXE7z
— Chris. (@chefmade_92) May 7, 2024

my most recent (fun) conspiracy theory is that challengers was funded by Big Tennis™ because pickleball was getting too popular
— real housecat (@tousleshommes) May 7, 2024

https://t.co/5iUqgy45oj pic.twitter.com/aSyV3jPE1O
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) May 7, 2024

the past 7 months has been scientific proof that celebrities are soulless and celebrity culture is garbage https://t.co/OqlDh7pWtd
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) May 8, 2024

Jobless behavior https://t.co/diHsdFYlsM
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) May 7, 2024

Babes, I'm a Canadian TV writer. Any script I have written that's not a lighthearted private detective show is never getting made. https://t.co/UoLgp0tgz7
— @keavyrhymeswithtv.bsky.social (@Keavy_Lynch) May 7, 2024

Inshallah Macklemore will discover a very good deal at any thrift shop he visits https://t.co/Pp2isyo5WS
— Lolo (@LolOverruled) May 7, 2024

i really love Macklemore's Hind's Hall💯—but let's not forget it was a Black rapper named Redveil who was the 1st artist to name all children killed in Gaza, call for a ceasefire & say "Free Palestine!" during a live concert

he was 19 & it was nov 12thpic.twitter.com/qZNPWgkipi
— Erin Overbey (@erinoverbey) May 7, 2024

Howard Dean made a funny scream, and that was the end for him.

Micheal Dukakis rode in a tank, and that was the end for him.

Donald Trump was spanked with a magazine by a porn star he said reminded him of his daughter, and he is the GOP frontrunner.
— KD 📚🌎🌊🇺🇸 (@kdnerak33) May 7, 2024

Lmfao this man is the worst man on the planet and he has a chance to be president again. Begging a comet to wipe us all out. https://t.co/YE3KSVIiaT
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 8, 2024

DA: In the film KNOCKED UP, you appeared briefly with Miss Clifford AKA Stormy Daniels is that correct?

Paul Rudd: Yes.

DA: and you have a clip where you discuss the Defendant?

RUDD: Behind the scenes footage. Judd Apatow speaks as well.

DA: play it. pic.twitter.com/jqpRH30mZF
— zeddy (@Zeddary) May 7, 2024

Dude y'all are banning books from libraries and trying to get the government to track women's periods. Whatever you've IMAGINED Sharia law to be… it's you. https://t.co/Qim7YWlAYN
— Joe Patrice (@JosephPatrice) May 8, 2024

The IRA have the opportunity to do the funniest thing pic.twitter.com/bgEGy85rJY
— 🇾🇪🇵🇸//MOOT\\🇵🇸🇾🇪 (@MootIreland) May 7, 2024

Christ, it's a PS2, not a horse-drawn carriage. https://t.co/gRu7pVefxT
— Hal Haney (@HalHaneyArt) May 7, 2024

No the fuck we aren't https://t.co/vIh4LUW1AM
— Mike P (@iamMikeP_) May 8, 2024

Kendrick: Drake your fans are not slow

Drake's fan: we're dumb as fuck actually https://t.co/c2QROaIVL4
— Liz🍁 (@here4maggie) May 7, 2024

May 8

a pay wall inside of a subscription based streaming service is absolutely crazy https://t.co/KrM1n7YqiK
— troythedesigner 🦂 (@troythedesigner) May 8, 2024

Hahahahahahahahahaha they destroyed the entire industry just to have to restart cable from scratch. https://t.co/sKfYdSUpCH
— Alex Fernie (@FernieCommaAlex) May 8, 2024

We get it man https://t.co/Ex071N9bHe
— jazz (@jazzanchovy) May 8, 2024

omg I'm yelling https://t.co/bUy6dvUNCs
— mary (@theoceanblooms) May 8, 2024

Apple has unintentionally made one of the most fitting and revealing advertisements of the modern era.

My god. This horror perfectly encapsulates the feeling of life as the powerful wreak escalatingly careless and clueless destruction. https://t.co/GFgIeeUh3z
— Jared Yates Sexton (@JYSexton) May 8, 2024

the way Apple Music lyrics mimics Kendrick Lamar's A-Minor line in Not Like Us is so cool pic.twitter.com/B7JPdAUMY3
— Sirenity🤍 (@3ternalsirenity) May 9, 2024

me in my head every 15 minutes:

"Certified Lover Boy? Certified Pedophiles"

"WOP WOP WOP WOP"

"Tryna strike a cord and it's probably A minorrrrrrr"
— Debating Hip-Hop (@DebatingHipHop_) May 8, 2024

God Almighty.
Not in the man's native land. https://t.co/JvbgpnuUpK
— fooler initiative (@metroadlib) May 8, 2024

Freaky ass virus, it's a 69 God https://t.co/SM00IkjteU
— Hoe...Why Is You Here? (@xWhyySoSerious) May 8, 2024

Every 5 minutes

Me: BBL Drizzy!

My husband: Freaky ass 🥷🏾 he a 69 god

My house has not known peace for days
— colorfullstory (@colorfullstory) May 8, 2024

They played 'Halftime' in court today, Thug looking at his lawyer like "you hear this flow?"😂😂 pic.twitter.com/5aupXwV4jw
— Debating Hip-Hop (@DebatingHipHop_) May 8, 2024

A+ reaction https://t.co/Ed3THAejL7
— Céad Míle Fáilte (@ColeyMick) May 8, 2024

Now that's a major league pitcher https://t.co/W3KnXj87hY
— Kafka, esq. ⚾️ (@metalgearobama) May 8, 2024

Steve Albini. pic.twitter.com/DzYjvJykdx
— Nirvana (@Nirvana) May 9, 2024

One more thing about the late, great Steve Albini. Here's a video of him apologizing for his fascist haircut. That is all. pic.twitter.com/jEKm4JNQmR
— Eric Spitznagel (@ericspitznagel) May 8, 2024

Here is the final paragraph of a letter to the editor that Steve Albini wrote to the Chicago Reader in 1994. It was directed towards a critic who wrote a year-end recap. King. pic.twitter.com/80T6DA0imb
— Joshua Minsoo Kim (@misterminsoo) May 8, 2024

My favorite tributes to Steve Albini so far come from bands that were like "yeah he hated us but we will miss him."
— mildred (@MildredVon) May 8, 2024

Good night, sweet Prince. 👑 https://t.co/57a4x5xXj7
— Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) May 8, 2024

yes there is a Steve Albini interview with Anthony Bourdain. I could only find a shitty Tiktok rip, but worth it to see Bourdain giggle at Albini saying "jagoff" pic.twitter.com/ftb1v4YDEA
— claire shaffer (@claireeshaffer) May 8, 2024

These were so close to being his actual last words. We didn't deserve him. pic.twitter.com/1WFDxhGcPn
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) May 8, 2024

Plot twist: He actually did need the Ivermectin https://t.co/ZSSpXFFgtv
— Rebecca Cohen (@GynoStar) May 8, 2024

They call me Dr Worm
Good morning how are you, I'm Dr Worm
I live in RFK
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) May 9, 2024

Healthy brain worms don't just drop dead from eating brains. Something is amiss here
— Borscht the T is silent (@InternetHippo) May 8, 2024

*calmly explaining why i'm actually not a dumb idiot* a worm ate my brains
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) May 8, 2024

"The worm that ate part of my brain will not affect my ability to serve as president" is the kind of dynamic campaign slogan that's gonna seal the deal for ol' Brainworm Bobby! https://t.co/1q4qzAC1KY
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 8, 2024

RFK Jr. saying he has a worm in his brain is kind of fun because it's as close as we can get to a bottle of tequila running for president.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) May 8, 2024

it's so wild that you can say "the guy running for president who's suffering from major cognitive impairment" and it doesn't narrow down who you're talking abt even a little bit https://t.co/iAcRfdOEZz
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) May 9, 2024

the moment the worm gets to RFK's brain and realizes he is going to starve pic.twitter.com/txCPKqButl
— call me Morticia 🖤🌙🦇❄️ (@MortytheRN) May 8, 2024

May 9

The responses to this range from "Don't have sex if you don't want babies, you tax-wasting whores" to "Oh so you're in favour of killing babies now, you tax-wasting whores?" and I think that's really neat and not concerning at all https://t.co/jdyJsltOHV
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) May 9, 2024

"More people watched the zionist attacks on UCLA students funded by his wife than Jerry Seinfeld's new Netflix series." https://t.co/mlrQCKxTkb
— The Public Archive (@public_archive) May 9, 2024

"Leave Barron alone! He's only 18!" - the people who want to force 12-year-olds to give birth to their rapists' babies.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 9, 2024

if she taunts him into taking the stand we should put her face on money https://t.co/1Igr7J2JdL
— shauna (@goldengateblond) May 10, 2024

Mustard on the beat hoe https://t.co/i0mSkTMo6p
— Whom…📿 (@Aye__Pseudonym) May 9, 2024

Man who kept his boat besides his house was ordered from the city to put up a fence to hide the boat from view. So he built the fence and hired someone to paint it. pic.twitter.com/wrkQh6RjXn
— Doug Aoki (@Nantanreikan) May 9, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: May 10, 2024

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