Parallel lines, trading minds, Elon Musk invents headlines, parking spot finds, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

November 17

used this picture in an email requesting invoice payment today and it worked pic.twitter.com/XX0C8Qz0rt
— jess white (@jessf_white) November 17, 2023

I wanna commit wire fraud with George Santos so badddd. i I just know he does it lying on his belly, swinging his legs in the air while munching on Cheez-Its and half-watching The Devil Wears Prada
— Peter Twinklage (@PeterTwinklage) November 17, 2023

Tchaikovsky was a homosexual and Santa's not real. Hope that helps. https://t.co/FGCqBqKjNL
— Gillian Branstetter (@GBBranstetter) November 17, 2023

If only there was some sort of song about crying rivers to explain how I feel about that. https://t.co/P4horz57v9
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 17, 2023

Zoomers this week pic.twitter.com/K6WWyA28EV
— anthony musa (@anthonydmusa) November 17, 2023

not osama bin laden being uncancelled for one day and then recancelled after the gen z found out he was a nepo baby
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) November 18, 2023

Sam Altman was actually typing out all the chatgpt responses himself and the board just found out
— Matthew Zeitlin (@MattZeitlin) November 17, 2023

every november we sacrifice the most high profile sam
— exit condition (@unravelofstack) November 17, 2023

You're emailing me? It's the Friday before the week of Thanksgiving in the month before the winter holidays, and you're emailing me??
— Max Steele (@maxasteele) November 17, 2023

The Curse! pic.twitter.com/X5BkSDYKqI
— nathan fielder (@nathanfielder) November 17, 2023

In a new teaser for The Curse, Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone spoof Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney's trailer for Anyone But You. pic.twitter.com/3wqLWfWLYG
— CONSEQUENCE (@consequence) November 17, 2023

Nathan Fielder is ruthless lmao. pic.twitter.com/A7xRGwZV5X
— Bode Sulaiman (@bodesulaiman) November 18, 2023

Who else do you know is putting the word "incessantly" in a chorus?

Mariah Thee Thesaurus https://t.co/7q1w3HTuU9
— The Jay Agenda (@JayJurden) November 17, 2023

When Shania Twain says "Let's Go, Girls" and I'm two rooms away https://t.co/0tEbYzR16D
— Call Me Da-vid-vid-vid (@DGRMSP) November 17, 2023

I'm being pedantic here but blockbuster films did not look like this. Sam Raimi movies did. What we need to go back to is Sam Raimi having a new movie every couple years. https://t.co/aG3V0ZMrmU
— 𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙉 (@outlawvern) November 17, 2023

He might be as good an actor as he is a director. He's always just right. https://t.co/vo0NgJZ52Q
— Matt Zoller Seitz (@mattzollerseitz) November 18, 2023

Exclusive: Morris's Wig Shop is pausing all advertising on X, formerly Twitter pic.twitter.com/op9Eo7S9cu
— Tom Reagan's Hat (@RufusTSuperfly) November 17, 2023

November 18

that's just how much they cost https://t.co/R0lCzWFrTG
— keegan (@FranziaMom) November 18, 2023

due to inflation there are now three wolves inside of you
— (((čhīńå łėvÿ))) (@chinaelevy) November 18, 2023

If they let go of the small one she will bite https://t.co/TMamzHMuxc
— Jordan "It's" Keyes (@ItsKeyes) November 18, 2023

ending an op-ed with "does that make sense?"
— JP (@jpbrammer) November 18, 2023

You do not have to answer the dental hygienist's questions. They can use whatever you say against you later
— Mr. Midwest (@InternetHippo) November 18, 2023

Why did Sesame Street delete this absolute banger about the SpaceX launch? 😭 pic.twitter.com/KmIHsqq7K7
— Trap Queen Enthusiast (@marionumber4) November 18, 2023

Choosing the right font is crucial… pic.twitter.com/PxWXWwn8jy
— MicheleWojciechowski (@TheMicheleWojo) November 18, 2023

i'm afraid to tell you this https://t.co/UBoTTk14EB
— suri (@suricidal) November 18, 2023

i would give anything to trade minds https://t.co/LmkI3pclUM
— jack wagner (@jackdwagner) November 18, 2023

Cat that cracked the matrix

📹leslyepenelopepic.twitter.com/K5d7SYnaFY
— Science girl (@gunsnrosesgirl3) November 18, 2023

JFK assassination lego set (not AI) pic.twitter.com/1axn7Hx0Mg
— ¡ 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 • 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒏 ! (@mareegeenamaree) November 18, 2023

i'm my head i like to think the reason irish people are always on the right side of history is that they were the first victims of the genocidal british empire and ever since they just chose whatever side the brits weren't on and by default that's always the right side of history
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) November 19, 2023

you mean the kids growing up with active shooter drills don't fuck with mass murder? imagine that pic.twitter.com/eIQ6xsq3E1
— alex (@turntineforwhat) November 18, 2023

Me when the pornbots like my tweets pic.twitter.com/QZvYAN9mSf
— Tom Hatfield (@WordMercenary) November 18, 2023

Does seeing a sunset ever lose its magic? https://t.co/cyp0xdXU0h
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) November 18, 2023

him spending 12 years sitting on a rotating chair cause he didn't have anything else to do…. real https://t.co/grOKnsBnpe
— janito (@yassnito) November 18, 2023

November 19

anything I guess. don't have a lot going on https://t.co/hM1aTGNAtG
— no great matter (@BringDaNoyz) November 20, 2023

running an errand after the sun has gone down………….that's a quest
— chase (@_chase_____) November 19, 2023

would Love to be reduced down to a Simmer , i Need that right now
— jackson (@placed_onto) November 19, 2023

"we're on the same wavelength" first of all that's the spectrum
— gill (@contactabrother) November 19, 2023

Who drives this car? A theater kid general contractor? https://t.co/Dz7jrnpmvO
— noah kulwin (@nkulw) November 19, 2023

you're looking back in anger? when i specifically asked you not to???
— Charly Bliss (@charlybliss) November 19, 2023

Kids on TikTok are making better satire about this situation than SNL ever could pic.twitter.com/1erj8Zfvie
— MOSCHINODORITO (@moschinodorito) November 19, 2023

So they're gonna lock up a bunch of Media Matters researchers for noticing that racists love this website? Sure, go for it. pic.twitter.com/i6cC2tHFTM
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) November 20, 2023

this is gonna be one of those Elon Musk screenshots that are used over and over again like the 10 years to Mars and the zero COVID cases ones pic.twitter.com/51LIl4RhUH
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) November 19, 2023

remains one of the most baffling photos i've ever seen https://t.co/ytnshRknFO
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 20, 2023

My sixth grader told me this morning that when his homeroom teacher calls the roll, all of his classmates decided that instead of saying 'Here!' or 'Present!' they will say 'Against my will'
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) November 19, 2023

joke's on my teachers "a distraction to others" has become my most marketable trait
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) November 19, 2023

pic.twitter.com/Y6hg0k2FdS
— Nick Knudsen 🇺🇸 (@NickKnudsenUS) November 19, 2023

me to the people in front of me on the sidewalk pic.twitter.com/wvN6TDBvXO
— Kyla Scanlon (@kylascan) November 19, 2023

they say "do one thing every day that scares you" and that is why every day i wake up and participate in society
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) November 20, 2023

Please respect everyone's hand washing choices in this restaurant. We CAN'T MANDATE that kitchen staff was their hands. COMMUNITY LEVELS of E. coli are low. If it makes YOU more COMFORTABLE you can wash your hands.
— Don't Inhale Virus (@DontInhaleVirus) November 19, 2023

you know you bought something out of your price range when you keep the box around for a while
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) November 20, 2023

Starting a fight with like seven groups of people at once is actually the perfect way to market a Napoleon movie https://t.co/mdFEeqa4D7
— Populism Updates (@PopulismUpdates) November 19, 2023

Someone smarter than me could explain it better but the Netflix effect™️ of poor lighting, zero focal point and muted color has done so much damage lol https://t.co/WeCfPzwNGR
— Lisa Dreher (@lisa_dreher97) November 20, 2023

Turned that camera to Damar Hamlin like that Shaq camera gif once the ambulance pulled up https://t.co/Dh2oG9GLfG pic.twitter.com/w3gtMnMW8G
— Russ' TD ⚡ (@RussFcb) November 19, 2023

Player gets injured

NFL cameras to Damar Hamlin pic.twitter.com/4F8P6ZhPsG
— DG (@thatsd__) November 20, 2023

I think about this scene so much. Imagine meeting arguably the most famous living comedian, pressuring him into hearing you tell a joke, then launching into the nastiest one of all time. Beautiful brain on Little Orphan Funkhauser, RIP King https://t.co/cayQP48fmW
— frank zeppo (noah) (@NoahPasternak) November 20, 2023

Tom Hanks impersonating Jerry Seinfeld on SNL in 1985 pic.twitter.com/Rnr8uUpQO3
— Historic Vids (@historyinmemes) November 20, 2023

Obsessed with the white people section of the local Asian grocery pic.twitter.com/Y0sCcSJcdE
— a well-respected man about town (@abirlios) November 19, 2023

My best explanation of parallel lines: pic.twitter.com/ynAl6Sdpb8
— Howie Hua (@howie_hua) November 19, 2023

November 20

if i were a bee it would be Mostly about the honey for me, i would Pretend to care about the queen to fit in but it would never drive me
— jackson (@placed_onto) November 20, 2023

Thrilled to see that The Beaverton is making sure this headline of mine never goes away. It shall follow me to my grave. This is the article that made my parents say maybe we're not proud of you after all https://t.co/4kbAY70yRG
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) November 20, 2023

Finally happened to a white guy. https://t.co/y4xYimrPpn
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) November 20, 2023

I know it's probably regular maintenance or procedure or whatever but the visual of them taking bro's name off the locker in the middle of this is crazy 😂 https://t.co/Qa3lBasIiV
— We all Zip$quad (@FrontlineSoze) November 20, 2023

Hello, I'm the richest man in the world. Every product I release catches on fire and explodes. Please like me. If you don't I will sue you.
— steven monacelli (@stevanzetti) November 20, 2023

Barbie made over a billion dollars pic.twitter.com/VcqfAAEZvm
— Jesse Hawken (@jessehawken) November 20, 2023

One day directors will rediscover an obscure technique called 'lighting' & the world of visual storytelling will be a better place https://t.co/w6mEWIefly
— Tom Reagan's Hat (@RufusTSuperfly) November 20, 2023

this japanese restaurant has a vegan version of their noodles & instead of taking a new photo they just censored out the egg pic.twitter.com/ssW2mFHezT
— gaz (@gazpachomachine) November 20, 2023

#ONpoli

If no one "gives two hoots" about the Greenbelt, why is there an RCMP investigation? https://t.co/8322hmMz1n
— TDot Resident (@TDotResident) November 20, 2023

I genuinely believe if you gave someone talented at marketing (ie. not me) a budget and a few weekends they could do some actual damage to this ongoing pandemic minimization campaign
— Tim 😷 (@itstimredd) November 20, 2023

Me, every year at this time pic.twitter.com/8HGnnuzBxY
— Brittany Terwilliger (@Brttnyblm) November 20, 2023

happy "let's circle back on this after the holidays" to all who observe!
— JRR Jokien (@joshcarlosjosh) November 20, 2023

November 21

45 years ago today, dozens of turkeys met their unfortunate demise in a Cincinnati parking lot.pic.twitter.com/9VM7SkghAe
— Danny Deraney (@DannyDeraney) November 22, 2023

i do believe that bears are dangerous and anyone who thinks they can get close to one is very stupid. but i also think i am different and the bear would sense my loving spirit
— Cat Elgarrista (@cat_elg) November 21, 2023

Don't look up! https://t.co/A1o9wFxbmr
— Margaret Klein Salamon, PhD (@ClimatePsych) November 21, 2023

bombs should be outlawed by the whole world like nothing is ever that serious
— abby govindan (@abbygov) November 21, 2023

Biden right now https://t.co/q0PyaLNJxu pic.twitter.com/OK3w5w7P8T
— Read Let This Radicalize You (@JoshuaPHilll) November 21, 2023

John to George when Ringo is out of earshot https://t.co/WzzfTGNI65
— Stefan Mohamed (@stefmowords) November 21, 2023

I love how accurate a depiction of D&D this movie is. For example here, none of the players know when the next game is, and scheduling them is impossible https://t.co/nDHbP3ba1Z
— Jasmine('s boobs hurt) (@Ranting_Trans) November 21, 2023

the boomer retirement plan is selling their house for 750% more than they bought it for, the millennial retirement plan is inheriting whatever money their boomer parents don't spend
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 21, 2023

Burgers used to be called 'plain' and 'cheese'. Now they're called 'dirty mother clucker finger blaster' and 'The Whore'
— Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) November 21, 2023

wait...Melissa Barrera was fired from the Scream sequel for...

sharing this Jewish Currents article written by Raz Segal?! he's a respected Israeli historian! a professor in Holocaust & genocide studies. if he's saying this, how is this a distortion https://t.co/emKJHuQfqP pic.twitter.com/G7vaj1QIj6
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) November 22, 2023

By wrongfully firing Melissa Barrera from Scream 7, Spyglass has no idea they've angered 2 of the loudest, most powerful groups: horror gays & Mexicans
— Dorina (@DorinaLaBruja) November 22, 2023

i love how discussingfilm is the only news outlet to use totally uncompromising language about this issue https://t.co/P4doHEoOLV
— largest rodent (@capybaroness) November 21, 2023

you know… if you reboot a franchise specifically to appeal to gen-Z it seems very stupid to fire your main actress for expressing opinions that demo overwhelmingly supports. https://t.co/oSCv4jGZDN
— jourdain searles (@judysquirrels) November 21, 2023

I love that everyone is getting fired because Hollywood "has no room for antisemitism" and also Mel Gibson still stars in movies and tv shows.
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) November 22, 2023

abusers, pedophiles, racists can continue with their lives in entertainment but being pro-palestine is where they draw the line
— alex (@mhysabeth) November 21, 2023

Ezra Miller went on a 10-state crime spree and Hollywood was like "Hang on, let's see where they're going with this," but suggest on IG that maybe we're not getting the full truth about geopolitics and suddenly...
— Lon Harris (@Lons) November 22, 2023

"Is he wearing pearls?!"

Charles Barkley on Deandre Ayton pic.twitter.com/838HXyFNAh
— Oh no he didn't (@ohnohedidnt24) November 22, 2023

what fuckin school was he going to https://t.co/Br3EeBNV1Y
— LeGyatt Triller Moth (@legotrillermoth) November 21, 2023

pic.twitter.com/uEPA5od2f4
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) November 22, 2023

I say without hyperbole that this is maybe the single funniest clip I've ever seen in my life https://t.co/bjZXRKL4YW
— David Sitrick (@davidsitrick) November 22, 2023

oh hey thanks for liking my story. i didn't realize you were madly in love with me and constantly imagine us as a couple, going on little dates, eating snacks, and growing old together. but im flattered
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) November 21, 2023

hate how quietly iphones die. at 5% it should start verbally begging for its life
— carter hambley (@carterhambley) November 21, 2023

Elon Musk has unveiled an incredible new tweet feature pic.twitter.com/JMbVdAIVAz
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 21, 2023

congrats, everyone. we've finally hit literal grammar nazis pic.twitter.com/XDMjQj8p7t
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) November 22, 2023

oh my god Fox News just did my tweet https://t.co/nYPclpvPuS pic.twitter.com/omdgYE8vel
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) November 22, 2023

November 22

one more lane would fix this https://t.co/BjzJEGIntg
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) November 22, 2023

my friend runs an instagram account called "kikos parking service" where he only takes pictures of his own car after finding a parking spot, and then comments on the picture from his personal account pic.twitter.com/QUkgUwgGq8
— keegan (@FranziaMom) November 22, 2023

And PP gets punched!!! pic.twitter.com/bSSlY0AYLi
— Deborah Gibson (@luvcaffeine) November 22, 2023

Scream 7 is just gonna be phones ringing and no one answering them for 100 minutes
— Spencer Perry (@TheSpencerPerry) November 22, 2023

The choir of men correcting Ridley on A24's name is a perfect representation of our current media landscape. https://t.co/282H8kENvr
— Rolo Tony (@PoorOldRoloTony) November 23, 2023

Seeing the Netflix logo projected on a 35mm print is like looking at an oil painting of a Wendy's
— Ben Gordon (@itsbengordon) November 23, 2023

https://t.co/p7Q0JtTqt7 pic.twitter.com/AQhQl5O8Ch
— Vinny Thomas (@vinn_ayy) November 23, 2023

matt rife. tate mcrae. noah kahan. deedee megadoodoo. these are not real names. AI is creating approximations of people that do not exist. wake. up. you're dreaming. your mother wants to hear your voice again
— roro, PhD (@fuglibetty) November 22, 2023

Luka made this pass THROUGH LeBron's legs 😳 pic.twitter.com/u2MCnYWrYX
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) November 23, 2023

NBA's best rivalry adds another chapter. pic.twitter.com/Llf16nydht
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) November 23, 2023

Scott Foster any night he's reffing Chris Paul https://t.co/JvzXF6w1iN
— sreekar (@sreekyshooter) November 23, 2023

A ref that got caught fixing games still being in the league is crazy https://t.co/JOEjQ0r9ph
— 𝘼𝙖𝙧𝙮𝙖𝙣 (@AaryanS19) November 23, 2023

CP3 says "it's personal" with Scott Foster and it involves Chris Paul's son.

CP3 also reveals he had a private meeting with his dad, Scott, Doc Rivers, and Bob Delaney about it during his tenure with the Clippers. pic.twitter.com/acNy4h4Muv
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) November 23, 2023

Someone hijacked @CDCgov account. Do not send help. https://t.co/gyu8ootcqx
— Dana Parish (@danaparish) November 22, 2023

Great news! You might only have brain fog for another 5-10 years!! 🎉 https://t.co/KYyBnJgmke
— tern (@1goodtern) November 22, 2023

No footage just a piece of paper he a fraud like Wilt https://t.co/3OD3IefuhQ
— Young Person (@EricTrillman_) November 22, 2023

my grandma has issues remembering things so she's supposed to write down notes so she remembers when her kids visit or if important things happen. My mom (Peggy) visited her and she wrote this note to remind herself pic.twitter.com/EENE7juGOX
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 23, 2023

Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce is genius bc the more attention she brings to the NFL, the more people will play football, which will lead to more head injuries and ultimately more Taylor Swift fans
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) November 23, 2023

imagine being a chinese swiftie and wearing this pic.twitter.com/QwPe8mIqtX
— jesseira 🇵🇸 (@jesseiraphi) November 22, 2023

happy 4 year anniversary to my favorite correction pic.twitter.com/pvAbJga6Wl
— beth (@bethbourdon) November 22, 2023

https://t.co/kejiV1SUtq pic.twitter.com/Mu0ADkEQbo
— Austin Ahlman (@austinahlman) November 22, 2023

Ryan Murphy types the words "Hall Vs. Oates" so hard that all his fingers fracture https://t.co/6YKftAvUWS
— Sam Stefanak (@SamStefanak) November 22, 2023

"please try not to get too drunk in front of the entire family tomorrow"

me after 3 drinks- pic.twitter.com/Mc1WctRQep
— big content guy (@bigcontentguy) November 23, 2023

Elon has lost his wife, his kids, 40 billion dollars, and his space ship crashed. It's like a genre of country music that doesn't even exist yet
— zach reinert (@zachreinert0) November 22, 2023

he's going to take credit for re-adding the headlines he removed pic.twitter.com/p0xQCS4RLG
— jenny_tightpants🪑 (@halomancer1) November 23, 2023

November 23

Remaining Twitter ads are things like "So, you just killed a man. Here's what to do next." pic.twitter.com/ab5vLH5YrW
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) November 23, 2023

Elon Musk has invented headlines. Here's a comic about Elon Musk solving problems pic.twitter.com/IKB5Rmx3jP
— Smooth Dunk (@SmoothDunk) November 23, 2023

throwback to last year when elon edited his thanksgiving tweet to try and sound smarter pic.twitter.com/rTxfGQPcyu
— jenny_tightpants🪑 (@halomancer1) November 23, 2023

every year I check to see that this is still up https://t.co/iQfVp9YGhy
— Frankie Bacon and the Screaming Popes (@PanasonicDX4500) November 23, 2023

I bet that cop who went down the slide real fast has some relatives who have been waiting MONTHS to get to roast him to his face today.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 23, 2023

RIP Gilbert. Gilbert's annual tweet. :). Happy Thanksgiving everyone! pic.twitter.com/WYdZWlDYh7
— Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert) November 23, 2023

Biden: You tricked me! I didn't want to pardon you, man!
Trump, dressed as big turkey: it's too late Sleepy Joe. You already made the deal!
— Haus of Decline (@hausofdecline) November 23, 2023

Remembering the late great BUDDY HACKETT via his 'Duck' joke, told here on The Tonight Show in 1987.

pic.twitter.com/JQZOSqt8eo
— Michael Warburton (@MichaelWarbur17) November 23, 2023

So Pierre Poilievre, in a truly scummy moment, blamed a CTV report for his assessment of the Rainbow Bridge as a terrorist attack in the House of Commons yesterday. The first CTV report doesn't seem to have landed before Poilievre spoke, but the Fox News report had.
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) November 23, 2023

The CTV tweet went up 20 mins after he said it in HOC. https://t.co/QQck0YRo1z
— Roddy (@RodKahx) November 23, 2023

Sent a letter to PP. 🙂
The subject line of the email: Campaign Ideas pic.twitter.com/pQyj6N0Xgd
— Avice 💫 (@identitykrysis) November 23, 2023

#CDNpoli

This is hilarious: Toronto SUN includes the evidence that Poilievre is lying directly in their story!!! The 2:50pm tweet is embedded in the article. (Poilievre's remarks were 25 minutes before that) pic.twitter.com/FFwShKMqyl
— TDot Resident (@TDotResident) November 23, 2023

Stuff like this is why it's so hard to kill this website (OP is Susan Sarandon's son) pic.twitter.com/7QIQ5PX80R
— Christopher Ingraham🦗 (@_cingraham) November 23, 2023

Pope not gonna be in Scream 7 https://t.co/IFom083opY
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 23, 2023

Yeah idk if you get involved in activism at any level this is just inevitably the conclusion you reach https://t.co/ZbxZCqhwih
— Corey Brickley Illustration. Justice for Palestine (@CoreyBrickley) November 23, 2023

I had to give this speech to the crowd during @toddbarry set last night. https://t.co/whtsKDQ53k
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) November 23, 2023

Dolly Parton at 77 and me almost half her age. 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/t49BsYgbOp
— Jennifer (@Paper_Heart_Jen) November 23, 2023

This is so Jackie and JFK coded pic.twitter.com/0enrMFxIDJ
— mkb (@MatthewKBegbie) November 23, 2023

Happy 26th anniversary of the day Barney the Dinosaur exploded on live TV. #MacysThanksgivingParade #Macys pic.twitter.com/DDZHTYJWBZ
— Danny Deraney (@DannyDeraney) November 23, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: November 24, 2023

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