Hardest first day of school picture ever.
Our little superhero has started school❤️
omg that’s like their beyoncé
Beagle puppies rescued from a medical testing facility got to meet Snoopy.
Pretty sure that’s illegal
Mini Murph 🥹 Huge congratulations to Nathan Murphy and his partner Rose on their special news 🫶🖤🤍
I’ve lost years of my life to 2-factor authentication
For her? It’s always brat summer
Band Who Cites Kiss As Influence Also Sucks thehardtimes.net/music/band-who…
“no one would be aware of this film if it wasn’t for that fucking horse” LMAOO
He knows about the horse 😭 pic.x.com/kVOiJBCfqA
a secret third thing
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I've been a political staffer for 15 years and (a) this is the dream boss; (b) you could not waterboard these quotes out of me jfc
The people who ask this question have never been to Colborne, Ontario
Why did humans stop building wonders?
is that good
September 7
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Doing all this to stand around at King and Simcoe is crazy
UNSTOPPABLE
There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server. "and who ordered the Alfredo?" You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
Ohhhhh, I finally understand! "Following" tab is where you can see the last 587 retweets from the same 3 people for all of eternity. "For You" tab is original tweets from people with whom you love to interact, commingled with selections from some of Elon's favorite racists.
today in costco a woman straight up asked her husband for a divorce. and she wasn’t joking. being miserable in the costco together would be my last straw too
The sun is shining from the same side in both shots
Truly the best line of all time in cinema
how the barista looks at you when they flip the screen for tips
ALBUM COVER: theweeknd.co/HurryUpTomorrow
As a fantasy football punishment my friend has to stay at a bar that opens at 6 AM and doesn’t close until 2 AM For every drink he has during his stay, 30 minutes gets taken off the total time he can leave. Stay tuned for live updates throughout the day
This water sounds like a sexually transmitted infection you get from a gentle breeze blowing up your shorts.
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Just say you hate black people at this point
The level of imbecile and moronic asshole a person has to be to convince themselves to vote for Trump and JD Vance is going to be studied at medical universities for decades to come. 😳👇
REPO MAN: Brooklyn New York, an Italian dude, not letting you get his truck. Keep up the payments.
I like how this has just become the official lore
September 8
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me: did you have fun on your playdate? my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
just a thought I had while eating some salsa
Serving shrimp with the tail still on when it’s already mixed into something (pasta, rice, etc) is insane.
Tell me your most radical position that cannot be placed on the left-right political spectrum
dating a white person seems so scary what if they don’t wash their legs or they have a popcorn bowl they also use for throw up
Being in Haim is the ideal level of fame: live off your art forever, tour pretty large venues, Pitchfork approval, sporadic acclaimed role in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, box at the US Open final with Taylor and yet you can go grocery shopping at Erewhon and no one really cares
If a fast food restaurant is more than half a mile from the Interstate, it shouldn't be listed on the exit sign
Tell me your most radical position that cannot be placed on the left-right political spectrum
It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right bro I should just annihilate this family of four
Toronto is not a serious place
i hate this city
"would you drop you friends just because u share different political views?" yes, yes i would
Kendrick is diabolical, he used disses from 6:16 - like that - and euphoria all in this video . 1- The video starts with the noise at the beginning of 6:16 that we couldn’t decipher . 2- Then around 15s he says “ just like that.” Which is from like that .
Even the drake subreddit knows its over 😭😭
Drake: Big as the Super Bowl Kendrick:
Super Bowl LIX. New Orleans. youtu.be/oIEKK_j0fss
kendrick circling all the way back to the song that kicked off the whole thing for the fnal death blow jesus christ he’s a madman
Man really witnessed this collab and proceeded to think “Yea I can beat em”
Probably the craziest tweet run ever😭
i feel like "not like us" was about drake. lots of clues in there
Performing at the Super Bowl in response to a song where the guy you beefing with said he was “big as the Super Bowl” is the craziest rebuttal in hip hop history.
Kendrick is so funny. He makes me want to be a better hater.
"Say Drake..."
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kind of comforting to know that no matter how bad of a day you might be having, kendrick lamar is going to make sure drake is having a worse one
🚨 Kendrick Lamar to perform at 2025 Super Bowl Halftime show.
hating your way to the super bowl has to be the greatest achievement in hate
I always closely check the backgrounds of my postgame videos -- we are in a locker room, after all. Today, nothing bad. Just Joey Porter Jr. very excited about finding a Sprite in his bag.
Wait I never noticed this but this video pointed out that Community has beetlejuice walk by in the background after the THIRD time he's mentioned in the show, I love this tiny detail!
Post the same actor in two roles that show their range
Post the same actor in two roles that show their range
Well, the good news is we've finally solved the mystery of why there's so little literature about the 1918 flu. The bad news is that we haven't learned anything from it.
When covid is mentioned in a show/movie
The Idol: 1 Better Call Saul: 0
‘THE IDOL’ is officially an Emmy-winning show.
God, he's right, if you wanted to see Jewish gangsters portrayed in media you'd have to watch... Once Upon a Time in America Miller's Crossing Godfather 2 LA Confidential Bugsy Casino Drive The Sopranos Snatch Gangster Squad Uncut Gems Boardwalk Empire Lucky Number Slevin...
Do you ever think about how there are scores of movies about the Italian mafia, but almost no movies about the Jewish mob? Hell of a coincidence. And that plays into people’s understanding, or lack thereof, of organized crime today.
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god I hope when I’m an old drunk Pennsylvania woman in a nursing höeme that I have a gay grandson to come entertain me
A beloved memory of James Earl Jones: “Jill, I hear you’re Canadian. I had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful countryman of yours; a great singer by the name of Geddy Lee…” -a legendary talent, but also adorable. Rest in power, sir. #jamesearljones
September 9
#RIP dad 💔
James Earl Jones, the prolific film, TV and theater actor whose resonant, unmistakable baritone was most widely known as the voice of “Star Wars” villain Darth Vader, died Monday. He was 93. bit.ly/3TkCdw4
As we all grieve the immense loss of actor James Earl Jones (Star Wars, The Lion King), I wanted to celebrate one his funnier milestones, reading Letterman’s best Top Ten List, reciting commercial jingles with his spectacular, powerful, booming voice. #RIPJamesEarlJones
twitter is lowkey just a “who can say the joke the loudest” competition
Twitter is lowkey just a "who can say the joke the loudest" competition
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say cheese: the new iphone will have a built-in camera
My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.
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I bought an old iPhone on eBay and its last owner knew Jason Mamoa.
good god
For the love of God, what did I just say
I don't know why people bother coming for this guy, I'd mind my own business like a henchman answering "Nope, nothing ta see here, boss" if I found Batman in a storage room.
Ahh yes the 70s, 80s & 90s, a famously gender-conforming era 🙏
If you went to school in the 70's, 80's or 90's! Do you remember any gender confused kids?
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday. I asked her, "How small?" She replied, "Just you, me, and the principal.
girl just do coke like what do you want us to say
I need a drug with no side effects that will keep me awake five nights in a row while my brain’s on fire and the writing is flowing. Curse this human need for sleep.
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So much negativity around two people just enjoying themselves and having a good time which is all absolutely fair as they both look completely insufferable.
Taylor and Travis believe in a thing called love 🎵
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Nobody wants to hear it but the actual funniest outcome is if these two have been having an affair.
Jennifer Lopez holds Matt Damon’s hand as they have a serious conversation at Toronto Film Festival 👀
Here is an idea: If you are running for VP, maybe stop for 30 seconds and figure out if something is true before posting
Months ago, I raised the issue of Haitian illegal immigrants draining social services and generally causing chaos all over Springfield, Ohio. Reports now show that people have had their pets abducted and eaten by people who shouldn't be in this country. Where is our border czar?
Just a few days ago, we learned one of the schemes that Russia uses to get influencers to spread coordinated narratives, but I'm sure your favorite right-wing influencers all talking about Haiti out of nowhere at the same time is just a coincidence.
I think his name is actually Doug.
Kamala Harris — out for a walk with "Doug" — says she's ready for Tuesday's debate. Her handlers have been downplaying expectations amid reports she's terrified after her last-minute attempt to change the rules failed.
This guy is being arrested for being like three years ahead of the next music industry business model
"AI is future of art, music, and writing!" The future: futurism.com/man-arrested-f…
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September 10
every time i remember this tweet i laugh so much i have to sit down
hell yeah benihana up in this bitch
i'm employed
I'M UNEMPLOYED
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Guess diversity is not a factor in recruiting the Sask Party team 🤣😒
Your Sask Party team.
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Kamala, currently:
She must have. How could she have known she would be asked about abortion, current events, guns, and immigration at a presidential debate?
Did Kamala get the questions beforehand?
Why do the moderators only fact check @realDonaldTrump and not @KamalaHarris?
it's so funny how for weeks everyone telegraphed "she's gonna bait him" and her team was like "we're gonna bait him" and he managed to act normal for like 3 minutes and then she said one thing about his rallies and it was like feeding a gremlin after midnight
"and this mo- former president🙂" SHE WANTED TO GAG HIM SO BAD LMFAOOOOOO😭😭😭 #Debate2024
I SAID IT FOR HER. Lmfaooo
Did you see her have to pull back from going fully in on him lmao
Trump: She’s going to take your gun Kamala: Bitch I have a gun
CNN @KatieLobosco asked the Trump campaign for any evidence for his claim that his proposed across-the-board tariffs wouldn’t raise prices for Americans. The campaign responded by sending her a study…which said prices for Americans would rise when the tariffs were implemented.
She’s mastered the face of simultaneous pity and disgust and every woman knows that is *the* most important combo.
conservative neighbor: did you hear they’re eating pets? Me, having run over his cat last week: that’s probably what happened to Simba dude
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being a moderator is a crazy job, just sitting and listening for a full minute and saying "thank you, but nobody is eating dogs"
When he said they’re giving migrants sex changes I nearly spit out my dog
Hey guys. I know we're joking about how he's absolutely eating shit up there, but I just went down to the kitchen and an illegal was performing transgender surgery on our cat (he/they).
“she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens in prisons” was his response to a question on fracking
illegal transgender alien
beautiful tweet
she was in the prison doing transgender operations on illegal aliens right before she died
I agree, the ABC moderators shouldn't have made him yell "THEY'RE EATING THE DOGS" at the volume of a PA announcer in an empty arena because he saw an AI-generated picture of a Haitian guy eating a cat posted by ImmigrantSlaughter1488 on TruthSocial.
trump is sounding like a nicki minaj tweet
MONDAY NIGHT PRIME TIME: A washed conspiracy theorist from New York gets cooked in prime time by a superior opponent from San Francisco TUESDAY NIGHT PRIME TIME: A washed conspiracy theorist from New York gets cooked in prime time by a superior opponent from San Francisco
A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump’s claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song.
She signed the post: Taylor Swift Childless Cat Lady Congrats to JD Vance and Tucker Carlson!
The Taylor Swift endorsement has landed.
a restraining order has never been more imminent.
Elon Musk in new tweet after Taylor Swift called herself a ‘Childless Cat Lady’ while endorsing Kamala Harris: “Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life”
WE’RE SO BACK
Trump gets back from the debate and just starts strangling JD Vance like Bart
he says this with a spot-on homer simpson inflection
me and my friends talking about the indie project I've been hyping up for years
"I have concepts of a plan."
The bank: When can we expect your mortgage payment? Me: I have a concept of a plan.
That’s It For The Onion’s Coverage, Our Reporters Have All Killed Themselves
canada must feel like they are living above a meth lab
my favorite laura loomer fact was that she started an ISIS fan club at her college to prove that liberals would join it but nobody joined and she got expelled for starting an ISIS fan club lol
Laura Loomer flew with former President Trump to Philadelphia for the debate.
Laura loomer’s evolution from an average looking human to Jigsaw has to be one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen
change him back i don’t care what he’s done no one deserves this
Made my boyfriend a little goblin
Dave Grohl missed a trick not opening this statement with “I've got another confession to make”
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You have to feel sorry for Dave Grohl's PR people. Easiest job in rock and roll for twenty five years and now this.
So funny when celebs cheat and release a statement like “please be considerate of my family” like buddy seems as though you started it!!!!
“how can i listen to foo fighters knowing dave cheated on his wife?” boy do i have something to tell you about the lead singer of every band, ever
best post i’ve seen about the dave grohl situation
In muppets christmas carol he is married to a pig but has a son who is 100% frog which you have to question
September 11
i like that for the image choice they went with a photo where they made him look like the divorce lawyer
Dave Grohl hired divorce lawyer before announcing he had a baby outside of his marriage: report trib.al/2rY44VZ
“they’re doing transgender surgeries on illegal aliens” is just the plot of The Rocky Horror Picture Show
We simply cannot thank Tulsi Gabbard enough for her brilliant debate prep with Donald Trump. 🤣🤣
Don’t share this
OMG they posted the entire debate 😭
Our newest ad just dropped
Okay this actually explains a lot. They didn’t realize presidential candidates were supposed to know about politics before running.
“Why did they fact check Trump more than Harris?” is high performance level dumb. It’s like looking into a mirror and asking why there’s suddenly another person in the bathroom
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We’d like to announce that while we are not a hotel, we are a concept of a hotel.
This is so funny
I better go superviral for this...
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The prophecy has been fulfilled
Colin Farrell Complained on 'The Penguin' Set 'That I F---ing Want It to Be Finished,' Said After Wrapping: 'I Never Want to Put That F---ing Suit on Again' variety.com/2024/tv/news/c…
I dare you to watch this only once.
Name your favorite quote by a celebrity.
Oh god it’s happening again
At 9:03 AM, United Airlines Flight 175 crashed into the southern facade of the World Trade Center's South Tower.
every 9/11 this is the only thing i can think about
my coworker threw a paper airplane at me and i was like “on today of all days 😟?” and she looked at me like this
jokingly asked my coworker why the flag outside our building was at half mast today and he completely seriously said “for James Earl Jones i think?”
Respectfully observing 9/11 by reading The Toronto Sun’s bastards issue.
What’s he supposed to do?
A UPS worker delivering a package on 9/11 right after the second tower was hit. Dude don't give a shit lol.
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thank you icyvert for demonstrating what is pushed by the algorithm and what isn’t
Why they got the water pressure set to Civil Rights?
Don’t say nothing else bout our water guns. Let us live lol 😂 pic.x.com/9sOKsicf34
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OH MY GOD NOW THEY HAVE A WHOLE *DELI* THAT’S SERVING THEM?!!
THEY'RE EATING THE DOGS
Meanwhile in Chicago.
hey man, you and david are both remote and only 600 miles from each other. we thought you two could meet in the middle and work a day at a coop space. this would bring The Company great pleasure for reasons arcane and unknowable.
Im sorry this is so fucking funny
Tomorrow Britney fans will be buying and streaming “Work Bitch” to celebrate Kevin Federline no longer receiving child support from Britney Spears. pic.x.com/wIHZF48oMF
i have never once heard this song and i am so unbelievably chronically online and tapped into pop culture, stop giving this woman awards she doesn’t deserve
‘Fortnight’ by Taylor Swift feat. Post Malone wins the #VMAs award for Song of Summer.
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So, let me see if I have this straight — according to Republicans, a pop star isn’t qualified to say who should be president, but a reality tv game show host is qualified to BE president? Do I have that about right?
September 12
it is very funny to post this when you’ve been the TV host for Access Hollywood and Extra over the past 16 years
thank god bon jovi talking that lady down worked. otherwise the story is just "conversation with bon jovi appeared to be the final straw"
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help I am crying
Allegiant airlines charges for a glass of water but you know what’s free? Ice. Now we wait.
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Our live primetime closer look special is up on youtube. I’m so proud of the incredible team that got this on air and in awe of @sethmeyers ability to be wildly entertaining alone at a desk for 40 minutes. watch at home while sitting with (or eating) a pet youtu.be/UBKLP6RYtRQ?si…
Bwahahahahahhahahha. People on TikTok are trolling Donald Trump for saying migrants are eating cats. "New lesbian anthem just dropped" had me rolling. Although we all know MAGA is sorely lacking in the cat eating department if you catch my drift.
Eric Adams right now:
NEW YORK (AP) — New York City's police commissioner says he is resigning after his phone was seized as part of a federal investigation.
